Blog topics are like shirts that need to be ironed. Sometimes they stack up and go unattended for a while, until suddenly you need that shirt! So it is with this blog. It’s been rambling through my heart for a while now – months, in fact. Now it’s time to iron it and put it on.
I’ve heard the story of God leading the Israelites a lot. Pillar of cloud by day and fire by night. Wandering 40 years in the desert. Eating manna from heaven. But this year, I’ve been reading through the Bible and really seeking the Spirit for revelation and understanding. This story has captivated my thoughts as I have imagined myself among the multitude of Jews in this miraculous story. A journey that should have taken days spanned years, yet their clothes and sandals did not wear out. They travelled day or night. Whenever the pillar moved, they broke camp and moved; when the pillar stopped, they stopped and set up camp. They only knew two things – God was leading them, and the end of the journey was the promised land. Every step in between was a step of incredible faith. I remind myself that they did not know the journey would last 40 years. They did not know how God was going to provide for their needs, or how He was going to lead them. They did not even know where the promised land was. It was all by faith. God, in His sovereignty, could have abandoned them for all of their sins, pride and constant complaining. He, in His holiness, could have wiped them all out and started over. But it was His great love and compassion that motivated Him to instruct and lead His people; to care for them and provide for their needs.
I walked outside in my yard recently and tried to imagine a great pillar of cloud hovering near my neighborhood. It almost took my breath away to place myself in the vulnerable position of trusting something so beyond my understanding, so immense and so unpredictable. I mean, I love a good sci-fi movie with futuristic plots, spaceships and aliens. But imagining this enormous, living pillar of cloud or fire goes beyond any special effects or computer-generated animation. Can you close your eyes and place yourself in the midst of this breathing expression of God Almighty? Then suddenly, without warning, the pillar begins moving. It’s evening, so the pillar is now a column of fire, providing light for the journey. It is a beacon that does not consume, even though fire’s very nature is to burn whatever it touches. Everyone knows what to do – pack up, break camp and move, walking until the pillar stops again. Then set up camp, sleep, wake and repeat. For 40 years. For 40 miraculous years.
Last year, my pillar moved. I followed and left all that was known and comfortable. I left friends and family, community, ministries, and everything that had fed and filled my soul. I have felt like I've been in my own desert in some ways; but I also know it's exactly where I need to be, where God wants me to be. Dependent on Him, trusting Him, seeking Him, desiring Him. I have been just like the Israelites - complaining, looking back and longing for what was familiar. And God has been true and faithful through the transition. He is leading me with care and compassion, just as He did for the Israelites. Just as He has done my whole life, only now I see His hand more clearly than ever. Rekindled need and dependence on the Holy Spirit are a necessary response when all we have come to know and depend on is suddenly gone. God knows where He wants to take me, and He has plans for me that I cannot even imagine. He's proven Himself over and over, as He reminds me of all the steps I have taken up to this moment. I'm more excited than ever for the future, and I'm watching that pillar, because when it moves, I want to be ready. In the meantime, I'm leaning into God and filling my soul with new revelation, reflecting on His goodness and kindness, His mercy and faithfulness; full of thankfulness for what has been and expectation for what is yet to come.
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