Something has happened to me lately and I'm honestly just searching out my heart and mind and asking God to reveal His character through me and squash this selfish princess monster that keeps trying to take over. For example, I used to take such joy and pleasure in cooking - spending many hours preparing and coaxing beautiful flavor out of my dishes to serve my family or large gatherings. But lately, I'm not feelin' it. If I'm being honest, I would love nothing more than to come home after a long day of work to a beautiful, healthy meal prepared for me, served to me, and then cleaned up afterward while I retire to the study (cue the British accent)....or something like that. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy cooking. I just. don't. want. to. do. it. every. day. every. meal. (periods are added for emphasis; I do hope you read it in the stuttered way it was intended).
I love a clean house. I mean, I really love a clean house. It's just me and my husband now, so we don't make a lot of mess...but still, all the freaking wood floor must be cleaned periodically (translation - when I can't stand it anymore). Anyone reading this with a house full of mostly wood floors knows what I mean. First the vacuum, then the dry dust mop, then the wet mop. Downstairs, then upstairs, then the actual stairs. And don't get me started on bathrooms. That is my least favorite cleaning job. Ever. Period. But, I do love a sparkly clean shower and bathroom.
Excuse me for a moment while I straighten my tiara - it got a little lopsided there after than rant.
Thankfully, we now have a smaller yard so there is less to maintain, and my husband is wonderful at mowing, edging and all the other heavy jobs. But there's still fertilizing, weeding, trimming and more weeding. Ahem, I repeat. I want it to look beautiful, but I'm just not motivated. I want what I want, and I want it now.
Yet, even as I am writing this blog, I am sensing the sweet Holy Spirit whispering in my ear. He is saying, "I know you miss those days when your kids were young and so devoted and dependent on you. It's ok." "I know you miss your friends and family that you moved away from to follow my leading. It's ok." "I know you are longing to know what comes next, and the void is sometimes too vast, and your faith seems small. It's ok."
He knows. He knows all of me, all of my heart, and all of my desires. He sees me struggle, and He helps me when I come apart. So I will remove my earthly crown full of self, entitlement and tantrums, and wear the crown He has given me as his daughter, a daughter of the King. This crown fits perfectly and reminds me to selflessly follow and serve wherever He leads. Even if that's in the kitchen cooking, cleaning with a broom and a mop, or weeding in the yard. I will put my hands to the work before me today, and believe He has good works prepared for me tomorrow.
Thanks for reading. Check your mirror and see what crown you are wearing today - maybe it's time for a change.
