So much
waiting. So many days spent in yoga pants – I mean, why not? I had no job, and
I had nowhere I needed to be. No coffee dates with friends. No lunches with
coworkers. No fun events with church family. I read my Bible, and I prayed. A
lot. I journaled my laments, and I blogged my thoughts. If you can imagine
being the only one riding on a carousel in a theme park, in slow motion, while
everyone around you is smiling and having the best day, that is what I felt
like…an outsider longing to be off the carousel and part of the crowd.
I’m an
encourager and a people person, and I had nowhere to pour myself out. Slowly,
however, incredibly and painfully slowly, things began to change. We visited different
churches looking for the “aha” moment. Then, while my son (who lives in
California) was visiting us over the holidays, we connected with one of his
friends who lives here (that’s a very long God story!), and we landed at her
family’s church – the AHA came, in a big way. It was such an AHA that we felt
as if we had travelled back in time to see God’s hand in our story in ways we
never knew, all on that first Sunday at The Gate. We knew we had found a church
family; now the task of getting to know our new brothers and sisters was upon
us! Finally, I could check something off my list of laments.
My search
for a job was no less painful. I realized how blessed I had been for the past
15 years – some of that time spent at home with my kids and a lot of it spent
on staff at my church, where the job found me. The hard truth of how much work
it takes to find a job was hitting me in the face, and I didn’t like it one
bit. I was beginning to slip into a funk of doubt – doubt about my skills,
doubt about my worth, doubt that I would find a job at all. Applications were
received, only to get a “thanks but no thanks” email. Phone and in-person
interviews resulted in more rejection. Out of desperation, I went to a staffing
company, where I found LIGHT. Not only did they find me a great temp assignment
almost immediately, they affirmed me in every way. That first 2-month job continued
to build my confidence, and I finally landed in my current full time job
through the staffing company. It was a job I would have never looked for on my
own, but it is exactly what I needed. Another AHA and lament checked off.
The final
lament was my longing to connect in ministry. I’ve always been part of worship,
and I had worked with teens and youth, but I was sensing God doing something
new…but what? I resolved to be patient and wait for His timing. As I began
connecting to new friends in our new church family, clarity of ministry entered
my heart and mind, like slowly bringing a camera lens into focus. God opened
the door to be part of worship again, and my heart leapt for joy. Then a
surprising door opened to partner with the Children’s Director. So much
excitement coupled with a complete lack of understanding and comfort – I had
not worked with children in a very long time, and children’s ministry is vastly
different from youth ministry. But I knew that I knew it’s where I’m supposed
to be. A couple weeks ago, I taught the K-2nd grade class. Lots of
boys and energy! By the end of that Sunday, they had won my heart. My final AHA
and lament checked off.
Today, as I’m
reflecting and realizing we have lived here in Franklin for exactly 1 year and
2 weeks, I am humbled by all that has occurred in such a brief time. I am more
aware than ever that God truly has a plan for me, and that plan is GOOD. The
flame of my love for God and His people has been fanned, and I am ready for
another year full of His presence, goodness and purpose.
